Stop Trying to be Authentic

Authenticity has become one of those slightly loaded leadership words.

People are told to be more authentic, leaders are encouraged to show more of themselves, and if someone doesn’t quite come across as genuine, it tends to create a subtle trust issue because we’re left wondering which version of them we’re actually dealing with.

So on one level it makes sense that people try to work on it.

But this is where it gets a bit counterproductive, because the moment you start trying to be authentic, you often end up doing the opposite. What you’re really doing is trying to be perceived as authentic. And people can feel that, even if they can’t quite articulate why.

There’s a concept in psychology called self-monitoring, which is essentially how much we adjust our behaviour based on how we think we’re being perceived. Some people do this a lot, constantly reading the room and subtly shifting how they show up, while others are more consistent regardless of the situation.

Neither is inherently better, but when it goes too far you start to see people managing an impression rather than simply expressing a view, and that’s usually where the disconnect creeps in. In happens in work environments all the time, and if you want to see it amplified, just watch nearly any politician give an interview.

You also see it in the day to day. Saying something that sounds about right rather than what you actually think, taking a bit of the edge off a message so it lands better, or leaving something unsaid because you’re not quite sure how it will be received.

None of that is a big deal on its own, everyone does it to some degree, but over time you end up with a slightly edited version of yourself and people can feel that, even if they can’t quite explain it.

Which is why authenticity is a slightly strange thing to aim at directly.

It’s not something you layer on top of your behaviour, it’s what tends to show up when you stop over-managing how you’re coming across.

You often see this quite clearly when people are on their way out of a role. They become more direct, more comfortable saying what they actually think, and less concerned about how it’s received, and almost inevitably someone will say, “this is great, where was this before?”

What’s really going on is that the pressure has lifted. They’re no longer trying to manage how they’re seen, or shape themselves into what they think is required, so they create a bit of distance from it all, say what they actually believe, and as a result tend to be far more effective.

There’s a bit of irony in it, because the moment they stop trying to be perceived a certain way is usually the moment people start responding to them more positively. That’s where the gold is!

There is a nuance here though, because authenticity is not the same as being completely unfiltered.

If you’re someone who wears your heart on your sleeve and runs a bit hot, turning up to every conversation at full volume with whatever you’re feeling in that moment is probably not going to land particularly well, even if it is very real.

That’s not inauthenticity, that’s a lack of judgement. And interestingly, a lot of the research points in a slightly different direction. The best leaders aren’t bringing their whole self to work, they are bringing their best selves.

They’re not unfiltered, and they’re not trying to be. They’re able to dial parts of themselves up and down depending on what the moment calls for, without becoming a different person in the process. That’s the important bit. It’s still them, just expressed with a level of judgement that matches the situation.

You don’t lose people because you adjust how you say something or choose your moment more carefully, because that is part of good leadership. Where it starts to come unstuck is when that adjustment becomes the default, and over time what you say, how you say it, and what you actually think begin to drift too far apart.

What people tend to trust is not whether you say everything or say it perfectly, but whether there is a level of consistency in how you show up over time, and whether your words, actions, and views feel aligned. Because at some level people are always asking themselves, do you actually believe this, or are you just telling me what you think I want to hear?

So the shift is less about trying to be more authentic, and more about being clear enough on what you actually think, and expressing that in a way that still sounds like you, even as you adjust to the situation in front of you.

Because in most cases, the version of you that you’re trying to refine is already there.

It’s just slightly buried under all the effort you are putting in to be seen in a particular way.