Sharpen Your Self Regulation Skills

This week, I want to hone in on self-regulation. A skill we’re not born with, but one we can build.

We often assume adults should naturally regulate emotions. But many of us didn’t arrive at work fully equipped. Why?

Self-regulation is shaped by biology, temperament, early life experiences, and the behaviours modelled by caregivers, teachers, coaches, and leaders.

The good news? It’s a skill and skills can be learned.

Unless you want people around you walking on eggshells, it’s worth building.

Here are 10 research-backed strategies to strengthen your self-regulation muscle:

1)Name It to Tame It
Label the emotion in real time to reduce its grip.
“I’m feeling frustrated.” “This is disappointment.”
Why: Naming activates the rational brain and calms the emotional brain.

2)Reframe the Narrative (Cognitive Reappraisal)
Shift the story you’re telling yourself.
“This isn’t personal — it’s a stretch moment, not a statement on my value.”
Why: Reframing reduces emotional intensity and increases agency.

3)Use an If - Then Plan
Decide your reaction before the moment hits.
“If I feel dismissed, then I’ll ask a curious question.”
Why: Pre-loaded plans reduce knee-jerk responses.

4)Ground & Reset
Use the body and breath to steady the mind.
• Feet flat on the floor
• Physiological sigh: Inhale, short second inhale, long exhale. Even try a mini sigh before responding.
• Three slow breaths before a meeting (exhale longer than inhale)
Why: Resets your nervous system and restores clarity.

5)Ask, Don’t React
Switch from judgment to curiosity.
“Can you walk me through what you're seeing?”
Why: Curiosity re-engages the thinking brain and shifts the tone.

6)Know Your Triggers (Pattern Recognition)
Identify recurring stress moments and prepare.
“This meeting always spikes my stress.”
Why: Anticipation reduces emotional ambush.

7)Reflect & Recalibrate
Debrief emotionally charged moments.
• What triggered me?
• What story did I tell myself?
• What would I do differently next time?
Why: Reflection strengthens self-awareness and readiness.

8)Identity Reframe
Step into a version of yourself you admire.
“How do I want to be seen? As reactive - or as a calm leader?”
Why: Identity shifts activate strengths and composure.

9)Anchor to the Bigger Picture
Zoom out to what really matters - your values, beliefs, mortality.
“Will this matter in five years?”
“Most things work out - and those that don’t will pass.”
Why: Perspective interrupts emotional spirals.

10)Recovery Shift
Build emotional recovery into your daily rhythm.
• Walks between meetings - in nature if at all possible. The power of nature to calm the system is immense.
• Sleep, hydration, movement
• Meditation or breath work (as little as 12 mins/day helps)
• Protect “off” time
Why: Regulated people recover fast - and protect their energy.

My advice? Pick a few strategies and try them in combination. Like a carpenter you are best to use a few tools to get the job done.You’ll still revert to old patterns - it’s human. But progress is possible.

And when you react instead of respond? Apologise quickly. Rupture & Repair. People appreciate it. It shows we don’t need to be perfect - just willing to keep learning.