For All the People Pleasers

Are You a People Pleaser?

Not sure? Keep reading—I’ll help you figure it out. In a US survey, 49% identified as people pleasers. If this sounds like you, you’re not alone.

As an Executive Coach, I see this often. People-pleasing comes from good intentions – it seems like generosity, kindness or collaboration, but at its core, it’s a survival mechanism—seeking approval, avoiding conflict, or managing how others perceive us. Some even see it as manipulation—hiding our true selves to keep the peace or win favour.

Ask yourself:

1️) Do you over-apologize, even when you’re not wrong?

2️) Do you take responsibility for others emotions?

3️) Do you minimize your own needs to seem like a “good person”?

4️) Do you go out of your way to avoid conflict?

If you said yes, you might be in a draining pattern that erodes self confidence. People pleasers struggle to set boundaries, say no, or recognize their worth—because they equate self-worth with self-sacrifice and that is deadly (quite dramatic but true..)

Many of us were raised to prioritize others’ needs and praised for conforming. It felt good then, but it no longer serves us now. Hailey Magee, an expert in this space, highlights a crucial truth: people-pleasing is actually a form of control.

She asks why do you do it? To be liked? To keep the peace? Ultimately, it’s about controlling how others see you. But in doing so, you neglect what you can control—your own needs, boundaries, and choices. Instead of acting from your values you are acting from fear.

For example:

🔹 Staying silent, hoping others will notice your needs.

🔹 Avoiding boundaries, then resenting those who don’t follow unspoken rules.

🔹 Overcommitting, then blaming others for “demanding too much” when you never said no.

The hard truth? You can’t and never will control how others think, feel or act—only how you show up for yourself. You are not responsible for others behaviour and they are not responsible for your wellbeing. When you focus on your values and needs instead of external approval, you take back your power.

That clarity changes everything. Instead of resenting unmet expectations, imagine the freedom and energy that comes with clearly stating your needs, setting boundaries, and acting in alignment with who you are.

Some of my work with clients is helping them reconnect with who they are and what they value. People pleasers often struggle because they’ve lost touch with themselves. But with this reflection there is also an opportunity for them to reassess their relationships and recognize that they don’t have to hold onto the ones that are one-sided or draining - and people pleasers tend to collect a few of those!

Breaking free of people-pleasing isn’t about becoming selfish—it’s about being honest. Honest with yourself and others. When you stop performing and start being real, relationships shift from obligation to authentic connection. And that’s where real trust, respect, and fulfilment begin.