Give the Gift of Presence

You know when you’re talking to someone & you can instantly tell they’re not really with you. Their body is there but their mind is somewhere else. At this time of year it happens more. People are stretched & mentally juggling five things at once. It’s frustrating and also not a feeling any of us want to give others.

A pattern I see often is people trying to respond to interruptions without stopping what they’re doing. Still typing. Still scanning. Still half in their thoughts. We all know it doesn’t work & it lands the same way checking your phone mid-conversation does. Badly.

There’s a better way.

Give the person your full attention even for 20 seconds. Look up, be present & if you can’t address it right then say something like I want to give this the focus it deserves let’s schedule a time later. That small moment of presence changes things. It ties into a bigger question:

Do you control your thoughts or do your thoughts control you?

When your mind is overloaded your decision-making drops sharply. Research shows that when the brain is juggling too many internal thoughts, accuracy falls emotional reactivity rises & working memory suffers. You become less effective. 

The good news is you can train your mind to slow down & stay with what you’re actually doing. Not through hope but through intentional practice.

Here’s a simple three-part routine.

1. Five-minute morning presence drill. Sit quietly & choose one point of focus. Your breath, a sound or a fixed object. See how long you can stay with it before your mind wanders. If it wanders quickly that’s today’s starting point. Just go back to the object (start with 5 minutes & build to 15 when life allows.) Long exhales make this even more settling.

2. One immersive action to anchor your day. Choose one everyday activity & give it your full attention. Brushing your teeth. Making a coffee. Slow your breathing, notice the sensations & stay with the task from start to finish. One anchor is enough to shift your day.

3. The tactical pause. Before any conversation or meeting take ten to twenty seconds. Long exhale, relax your shoulders, & decide how you want to show up for the next moment. This brief reset lowers physiological stress, sharpens attention and stops you from carrying one pressured moment into the next.

For unhelpful thoughts use a simple filter: Does this thought help me in any way? If the answer is no, don’t give it airtime. Notice it, name it & let it move on. We don’t need more stimulation or speed. We need the opposite. Slower thinking. Slower breathing. More mental clarity. After all who really wants to rush through life?  What are we racing toward with all our overthinking & constant mental noise? We sleep for a third of our life. The rest only counts if we’re truly there for it. Quality comes from presence. Try it tomorrow morning. Five minute drill. One immersive action. One tactical pause.

It might be the best present you give yourself & the people around you this season.