Change the Behaviour First

One of the traps I see leaders fall into is believing that mindset has to change before behaviour does.

I hear a version of this quite often when working with executives. Someone will say something like, “There is no real reason for this. I just need to sort it out.” The intention is good, but interestingly the science suggests that beating yourself up like that is not a great strategy. Self-criticism tends to reduce follow-through rather than increase it, because it adds pressure without actually changing what you do next.

In practice, it is often the other way around.

A lot of the executives I coach discover that waiting for the perfect mindset can become a very elegant form of procrastination. We convince ourselves that once we fully understand the trigger, unpack the backstory and reframe the narrative in our heads, then the behaviour will naturally change.

Sometimes that deeper work absolutely matters. Understanding where a reaction comes from can be very useful, and in some cases it is essential.

But if your goal is simply to make progress and start reshaping how you show up from today, there is often a much faster entry point.

Start with the behaviour.

James Clear captured the idea neatly when he wrote that every action you take is a vote for the type of person you wish to become. What I like about that idea is that it removes the pressure to suddenly transform your mindset overnight. Instead you begin casting small votes through your behaviour, and over time your brain updates the story about who you are.

There is good science behind this. Psychologists have long known that we often infer our attitudes from our actions. When the brain repeatedly sees us doing something different, it begins adjusting the internal narrative to match. In other words, behaviour can lead mindset rather than waiting for mindset to magically appear first.

Another practical tool that sits nicely alongside this idea is something psychologists call an “if–then plan”. Instead of hoping you will react well when the trigger shows up, you decide in advance what you will do when it does.

Matt Abrahams, who teaches communication at the Stanford Graduate School of Business, encourages students who feel anxious about speaking to create what is effectively an anxiety plan ahead of time. They do not pretend the nerves will disappear. They simply decide in advance how they will respond when the nerves arrive, which means that in the moment the brain is not scrambling for a solution, it is simply running a play that has already been thought through.

I see the same thing work well with leaders.

A senior executive who knows they can become defensive in tough meetings might decide that whenever they feel that reaction building, their first move will be to ask one question before offering a response. Someone who finds themselves replaying a difficult interaction late at night might decide that if the rumination starts, they will write down the one action they will take the next day and close the loop.

None of those plans remove the trigger. The meeting may still be tense. The difficult colleague will still exist and the nerves before the presentation will probably still show up.

What changes is that you already know what you are going to do next.

Once that response becomes consistent, the behaviour starts providing evidence to your brain about the type of person you are becoming. The internal story gradually shifts from “this is how I usually react” to “this is how I handle situations like this.”

That is when the change begins to reinforce itself and how you see yourself starts to move.

For example, someone who feels very nervous before presentations could spend a lot of time trying to understand the deeper backstory behind that reaction. That work can absolutely be valuable.

But in the short term it can be just as powerful to simply recognise that the trigger will probably appear and decide in advance what you will do when it does. Knowing the plan often reduces the anxiety significantly because the brain no longer feels like it is entering unknown territory.

So yes, understanding the deeper story behind a reaction can be valuable work. But if you are looking for a practical place to start today, the simpler path is often this.

Know the trigger will likely appear.

Have a plan for what you will do when it does.

Then start casting a few small votes for the person you want to become.

And if the plan occasionally involves walking away to make a cup of tea before responding to an email, that may not be the worst leadership strategy ever invented!